So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
