He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
