Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
