Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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