I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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