im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
