...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
