I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
