you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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