when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
