You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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