I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
