she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
