Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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