she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
