I want to stick my p in your. b.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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