he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
