Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
