I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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