Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
high people should be assigned attendants
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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