saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
