just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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