last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
