I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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