So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize