Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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