He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
