So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You dont lie about slip and slides
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
