I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
