OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
