Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
