It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
