I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
