i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
