today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
