I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
