Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize