I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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