Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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