I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
