I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
