Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
