you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
