apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
