it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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