After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
