also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
