Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
