I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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