Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
