What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
