what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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