Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
