Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
