Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
