He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
