On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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