The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
