I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
