My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
