just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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