Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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