Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
