Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
