Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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