I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
