So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
