roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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