Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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