omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
