Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
