Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it because I queefed?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
