how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket