dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you never un-have a 4some
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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