i don't like sucking hair
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
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IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are