The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?