I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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