so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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