So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
