I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
