i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
