Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
