Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
