he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
