I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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