Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
