a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
