Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
