every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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