Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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