i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
