hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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