It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
