Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
